Just birth that baby, and you’ll shrink back in no time, they said.
Breastfeed and the weight will just fall off, they said.
Those are just two relatively simple and straightforward perceptions that just didn’t pan out for me.
Earlier tonight I shared my 9 months in and 9 months out photos. Every time I flicked back to Instagram, I grew increasingly self-conscious because damn girl, I had two babies I don’t look like a supermodel with chub like that.
My postpartum body isn’t unlike my prepartum body.
I’ve always been kind of chunky and curvy all over. Right before I got pregnant with my first, I had finally joined Onderland for the first time since being a preteen. It was kind of a big deal. There was kind of a big celebration because seriously, I had never been under 200 pounds in my adult life.. And that was mostly because of a lot of dedication to Weight Watchers and learning to run.
Two babies later and I now weigh more today than I did when I was full term with my second baby. I just love cheeseburgers and chocolates.
Some moms, like me, don’t lose weight when breastfeeding.
I could breastfeed a dozen children and still pack on weight faster than a bear preparing for winter. Breastfeeding gives me a severe case of the munchies and I find myself shovelling food into my body faster than I can keep up. In such, I pack the pounds right back on quicker than I did 9 months ago.
What’s a mom to do?
I guess I could go to the gym, or start running. Both of those tasks take a whole lot of courage, strength and determination; something I just don’t have a lot of these days. It’s challenging enough to raise tiny kids, but to muster up anything more than the bare minimum is asking for a miracle on the easiest of tough days.
I’ve never been skinny, so the motivation to have a body I know nothing about does little for my motivation. I literally can’t even imagine what I would look like at my ideal weight because the last time I remember being less than 180lbs, I was 14. Imaging my skinny self is intangible.
Improving my physical health would do wonders for my mental health. There’s something about endorphins and moving your body that really gets your brain in a good space. However, getting there takes a whole lot of courage, strength and determination. I’ll say it again because I’m just not mentally there yet, and I need to be in a better place emotionally to cope with the simples of weight loss.
Sure, I could take the kids to the local gym but then I would need the courage to leave them with childcare providers I know nothing about. I would need the strength to walk into a room of strangers and do something I’m not comfortable doing – exercise. I would need the determination to come back and do it again. These are things I only have on good days and my bad days outnumber my good days.
Embracing Post Partum Chubby Tummy
Just embrace this postpartum body because you have forever to become whoever you want to be. Just make better choices and build yourself a village of people to help you get to the place you need to be to be the best version of yourself.
One day I’ll get there too, but for now, I’ll remind myself that belly grew two beautiful babies and that’s something worth admiring.