Whenever I mention I’m having surgery this week people get all sad and apologetic, and I know it sucks, but I am so unbelievably excited (and terrified) for my surgery this week. I did have a surgery date for April, but it was postponed two weeks prior.
First, I’m tired of being in constant never ending pain. I know I’ll still have things to work on post operation (particularly core strength) to feel less miserable, but if we can ease the shooting pains across the top of my feet that radiate out from my little toe, that would be FANTASTIC. Technically I have bunionettes or taylors bunions located on the fifth toe bone. Bunions are on the main toe bone, but it’s the same idea and that’s a technicality.
Second, I miss doing things. I know it looks like I do a lot of things, and I do. But I don’t do all the things, and I don’t do the things like I wanna do the things. We seriously slowed down on the hiking and traveling. We find the easy trails to hike, and avoid the bigger ones and not because of the toddlers but because of my body. I do a lot of sitting around trying to cope with pain instead of actively functioning as a member of my household, or community.
Third, maybe I could get a job next? There are a lot of reasons why I don’t have a job, and sometimes the answer boils down to the fact that I cannot be on my feet for 8 hours a day without dying a death of a thousand deaths. Even with my big ugly shoes on.
Fourth, maybe this means we can finally move. Switching out medical providers is not an easy task. I waited a short year for this appointment, and an even shorter 3 months for the surgery date. It’s time to get this game over with and then we can really consider moving and bidding a new assignment. I would love to move closer to my family, but I also would love to just live somewhere else. Sometimes, I hate that I didn’t get to choose to live here. I came here for school, and always thought I’d leave… I’m more of an urban heart.
Am I anxious, of course.
I’m an anxious human being, worrying runs through my blood. I’m not worried about the surgery going wrong. I’m mostly worried about the unknown and the things I don’t know. Like, I don’t really know what my post-op recovery will look like. I’ve asked at the doctors office and she said 6 weeks with cast boot, the doctor will have more feedback after the surgery. I asked the surgery nurse who called a few questions related to the surgery, and again kind of got this vague answer like I’ll find out based on how the surgery goes. That kinda wishy washy thing is stressful. Had I known that the first appointment I saw the orthosurgeon at was going to be my ONLY appointment before they cut open my foot, then I would have brought a notebook to write down all the things he said to process them.
But I’m also terribly excited for two weeks of bedrest where I fully intend on tapping out and writing my cloth diaper ebook that is in production.
I am anxious for when my husband goes back to work. He has two weeks of vacation, and then he’ll go back to work depending on things. That’s the shitty part about this surgery is it’s a lot of well, maybe. I belong to a few bunionectomy groups on Facebook (yes, they exist) and everyones recovery can look different depending on the surgery, depending on the recovery process, depending on so many things. The doctor said 3 months before fully functioning, and then I’ll have my second foot done.
Regardless, I’m most anxious about running out of food around 6-8 weeks. I’m also worried about that period of time where you feel good and you fuck up. You get a little cocky and do something and then your recovery time is set back. That’s life, and it happens to the best of us.
And then, once this is done, I’ll have my other foot done in maybe July/August. Don’t even ask… because I’ll have my right foot done then and I won’t be able to drive…. and I have kids.
What do I need?
I need visitors.
Because the one thing I know I’m not going to handle well is the inability to leave the house. I live in a two story house and will have one broken foot. I will not be going anywhere. I also have two toddlers.
Winter was tough. I had a hard time this winter without seeing people and being the sole lonely adult. When my husband goes back to work and it’s just me and the kids, I’m going to need someone to take them away to do fun things that don’t involve driving their mother batty with their own frustrations of cabin fever. I’m also just going to need company and someone to make their lunches and get their water cups refilled.
We hired a weekly house cleaner. Something I should have done eons ago, but alas, here we are, and it’s happening. This gives me the biggest sigh of relief because it’s one of the most stressful chores for me, and something my husband doesn’t rock at. I hope we never have to let her go, ever. #keepingyou.
I stored away a ton of food and casserole dishes in the freezer. Eventually they will run out. I keep reminding myself that Costco has an amazing freezer meal section, that Save On Foods delivers foods, and it’s 2019 and skip the dishes is amazing (do you think they’ll bring the food into the house and up the stairs for me??)
I’ll check in a few days from now, maybe my mood will be different. But I’m excited now. I’m excited for less pain, for more movement, and for a forced break…. it’s not really going to be a break unless I find a new netflix show to binge for 14 days.