It’s been one year since I wrote my first post complaining about my feet. They had slowly started to become increasingly painful until one day in January 2018, I couldn’t take it anymore and dragged myself into the doctor’s office for a big HELP ME moment.
Up until this moment I had tried a million things to get my feet and body to feel better, but without success. The doctor confirmed it was bunions, specifically bunionettes or Tailors Bunions, which are on the fifth toe. He had me go for x-rays and then referred me to an ortho surgeon.
I’m in Canada, and that means I just spent an entire year waiting for an appointment with the ortho surgeon. That’s just how we do things up North. We wait a really long time to get anything that’s only kinda important fixed.
This past week, I finally saw the ortho surgeon. He confirmed everything I knew and if I wanted to resolve the pain the answer was surgery.
I did just spend an entire year in pain because of my feet, so I did go into the doctor’s office well versed on what my option was. It is 2019, and Google exists. Between Facebook groups and the internet, I knew I only had one option and that was surgery. My only fear was that the doctor would completly dismiss me.
Over the past year, I’ve alleviated my pain by wearing my one pair of big black ugly shoes. These are literally the only shoe in the city that fit. They are also the only shoe online that will fit my massively wide man feet. I have looked. I have tried other shoes, but because I still have the dainty women’s ankle, everything flops around like a big flipper on my feet.
If you were to look down at my bunions you’d probably think, #nobigdeal. But they hurt. You can’t judge a book by the cover, and the pain in my feet creeps up to my knees and into my hips. I spent an entire year purposefully doing nothing so that I wouldn’t experience the bed riddling pain of last January. I feel trapped because I was active. I’m no marathon runner, but I like to try new things, do new things and explore the world. This past year, I felt like I couldn’t climb mountains, only hills. I could only do one grocery shop a day, and don’t even think about wearing your snow boots for longer than 2 hours. This is no way to live life. I live life at 30-40% to keep the pain manageable, and I would love to return.
There’s not much else they can do for bunions. Gimmicky tricks for bunion correction is everywhere, but your bone has shifted and caused other bones to wiggle around. Typically, in the union groups, I see people who say they only wish they did it sooner because then maybe it wouldn’t have gotten so bad. Maybe the one toe wouldn’t have pushed all the toes into a big hot mess of needing to be fixed.
I don’t take this decision lightly because it will mean I’ll spend most of the year on bedrest, but I did just spend an entire year on rest. Either I do the surgery now, or in 5-10 years, I wait again and do it then. Right now, this feels like the only hope to get my feet working and to get my body back. I want to be back to me, and maybe learn to run again. I miss wearing running shoes, and being active. I’ve gained 20-30lbs this year, and I try not to think about it but it makes the stairs hard and my clothes fit tight. I’m okay being a heavier woman, but I’m not okay with being a constant couch potato who complains about her feet.
Well, now we wait again.
The doctor will do one foot at a time, spaced three months apart. My referral was sent to the hospital, and the receptionist said when the hospital calls it’ll be about 4 weeks until the surgery.
What about the kids? My husband will take 2 weeks off so I can heal. My babies taught me that you need to slow right down and heal your body. You wont get anywhere if you try to heal while keeping up with the Joneses. I fully intend to take as much time as I can to just rest and heal my feet.
I’m terrified because if you know me, you know I’m not a homebody. I really struggle with being inside the house by myself for any length of time. Christmas was hard because everything was closed and I couldn’t go anywhere for like 48 hours. I pretty much had a panic attack thinking about it. I don’t like being still. Needless, that all says that I am going to really mentally struggle with not doing all the things.
I live in a two-story house, the first floor is the entrance and laundry room, the second floor is where we live. There will be no getting around because 13 stairs of death with a broken foot is just a hot mess waiting to happen and I’ve already fallen down once this year.
If you have any tips for surviving bed rest while parenting toddlers, let me know.
I’ve started meal prepping because we wont survive without it. I double or triple each meal I make. I’ve also started nesting like I’m pregnant because I know after my bunionette surgery I will have people over, and I want to be able to tell them which drawer has my undies in it and where you can find the towels. My house is still a hot mess, but at least it’s kinda clean.