There’s this perception floating around that busy mothers just want some me time. I’m sure its well intended. We spend all day with small needy children attached to our hips. But… I don’t want me time. 

You heard it correctly. The last thing I want is me time.

Yes, most days I’m at my breaking point. Do I yell at my child more often than I care to admit? Most definitely. Can I remember the last time I took a shower? Not at all.  Have I spent 5 minutes crying today? Probably. Am I about to crash, and burn? Yes.

But, Guess What? The answer isn’t me time. Not for me at least.

I don’t want me time.

I don’t want me time, because I spend most of my day with me, myself and I.  There just happens to be a toddler rampaging in the background of this one-person act.

As a stay-at-home-mom,  I spend the entirety of my day chasing after a rambunctious toddler – or trying to put him to sleep, or making sure he’s fed. He’s into everything. He’s on everything. He’s non-stop. But, he’s actually really awesome at independent play and really awesome at being himself.  I spend most of my day, just ‘supervising’ and feeding him.

Don’t worry. He’s not a super amazing awesome toddler. He joins me to go to the bathroom, cries for me at the top of the stairs, clings to my legs while I do the dishes, and insists I sleep with him. But, for the most part he’s pretty independent when awake, and functioning.

At the end of the day, its still just me and him. Just me and my toddler. 24 hours of toddler interaction. 24 hours of zero adult interaction. 24 hours of talking to myself. 24 hours of telling someone to stop running who doesn’t listen. 24 hours of asking him what he wants without any response back. 24 hours of a one sided conversation. 24 hours alone with my thoughts. thats pretty dangerous stuff if your struggling with PPD/A. 

I don’t want me time.

As someone who thrives on interacting with others, I don’t want me time. I want companionship. I want a two-sided conversation. Motherhood is lonely, and “me time” is even lonelier. I don’t want to be left alone with my thoughts. I don’t need to be left alone with my thoughts.

I don’t want you to watch my child for 2 hours while I sit at Starbucks and drink coffee and read a book. No, I did that all day yesterday with my toddler. I don’t want to go shopping by myself.  I also could do that all day with my toddler – and it might actually be more enjoyable because I have someone to talk to besides the cereal boxes!  I don’t really want to go for a manicure/pedicure. I much rather have a visit with you.

My village isn’t about letting me be me; my village is about being there with me. So, yes, I don’t want me time. I want time with you. I want time to digest and process and to stop talking crazy in my head, and start talking crazy with you.

I want to spend time with you.

I don’t want me time, I want time with you.

Join me and my crazy life with my toddler. After 16 months of failing at self care, and hitting my breaking point nearly every other day, I’ve finally come to terms with what I need. I need you. I need you not to take my child from me, but to sit with me, and laugh with me, and cry with me, and be present in our lives. I want to enjoy your interactions with my child, as much as you do.

As a stay-at-home-mom with a partner in the running trades, I spend too many hours by myself. I spend too many hours already in ‘me time’. I need someone to have dinner with me and my toddler. I need someone to join me in a play date or for a walk. I don’t need this time to stew by myself, to make things worse, to feel even lonelier.

Not everyone wants to be alone. Not everyone wants me time. Most definitely not me. Not today. So, please stop asking to take my child for a couple of hours, and just stop in for a visit. but remember, my toddler is crazy, and my house looks like a tornadoe has come and gone. 

Sometimes I do want me time.

And thats okay, I’ll probably ask for it. I don’t want to be alone for long… just long enough to shower, and join the conversation again. Don’t forget to include me. <3