Last January, I wrote about how I came down with a mean case of bunions. It’s a year later and I don’t have the chronic pain I experienced early last year, but I do have a case of the blues.
The reason I don’t have chronic pain in my feet right now is that I don’t do anything. I have scaled back my physical activity and mobility to the bare minimum I need to get by. The days that I do walk lots or move around on my feet, I feel it. If I wear shoes that aren’t my big ol’ black ugly things, then I’m miserable. Even my big rubber boots that I found are only good for running short errands and crashing through parking lot puddles. Anything more than that will cause my knees to ache for days.
I don’t usually say much anymore because the mild pain and discomfort is normal, but admittingly the lack of ability to do things is wearing on my psyche.
Doing nothing makes me feel miserable.
I would love to try skiing again. I would love to go skating. I would love to take a snowboard lesson. But these winter sports require boots and that means squeezing my mens extra extra wide foot into a shoe that’ll add pressure to my foot and most likely trigger pain.
Do I go do the things and live debilitating pain? Or do I live without the pain and feel lonely and bored admist piles of snow.
Husband says go to the Y
I’ve gained easily 20-30 lbs exclusively in my midsection this year. It sucks. My clothes don’t quite fit anymore and I don’t really love looking 18 weeks pregnant when I’m not.
He keeps telling me to go to the Y. Put the kids in childcare and have some physical activity. But it’s not that easy and he doesn’t seem to grasp it.
I have scoured the speciality shoe stores and there’s only one shoe that fits my wide foot and I really don’t feel comfortable doing any cardio or impact fitness in it. I really think a comfortable shoe is important for fitness.
I’d go to the pool but that requires having access to childcare and comfort in a swimsuit. My life isn’t one where I have a partner to tag off with every day. The daycare hours I do have I use to get the things done I really need to do solo – like work and doctors’ appointments and maybe the dentist. Unfortunately, laps at the pool don’t make the list – not that I really know how to swim.
Most days I’m just okay with this sense of misery and inability to participate in life, but sometimes when its coming closing to my period the hormones kick in and I just break down and need to share, write, and explore these feelings. Because right now the world is crashing in on me and everything and everyone feels like an attack on my well-being. I just want to put myself in time out and forget the snow, ice, and misery of trying to enjoy living in winter.
Life is not the perfect glimmer of the internet. It’s messy. It’s overwhelming and I’m still struggling to understand and cope with my body the way it is while waiting for an orthosurgeon to even assess the situation.