Life after Vulvodynia: Menstrual Cups Give Me Anxiety

Back in September, I finally ordered a Diva Cup. I tried the quiz on PACII and I checked out my good friend The Green Vagina. I decided that the Diva Cup was the best first choice based on the answers (because if you don’t know already, there are many many different cups for different vagina’s) 

It’s been 6 cycles now, and 5 months and I still haven’t used it. Well, that’s a lie. I tried once, and well it was terrifying.

Now it just sits in its a little bag on in my kitchen shelf (oddly, because that’s where I boiled it for sanitary reasons) looking at me every time I have a cup of coffee.

PS: This post is going to get personal. If you don’t want to read about my vagina, I might not recommend this post. 

Menstrual Cups Aren’t for Everyone

If you’ve struggled with vaginal pain or sexual pain in the past, there’s a chance that menstrual cups could be overwhelming for you and strike fear and anxiety into the core of your body, as it does for me.

I used tampons very briefly and never regularly because they were uncomfortable pits of misery, more so than disposable pads which I ditched for cloth because I don’t like having burning rashes on my vulva.

Then I was diagnosed with vulvodynia, a pain condition of the vulva. I shared my story over here. Basically, it made a lot of normal things painful and really impacted my life.

I didn’t expect the impact to linger 7 years later. I didn’t expect to be sitting here telling you that I’m terrified to use my menstrual cup.

Everyone raves about them, but nobody share’s their story of fear, anxiety, and general wariness.

This is not an issue of having the right or wrong cup, this is an issue that I just can’t even get over the hump to try the thing.

What if it hurts?

Will it trigger something and make my body go back to hating me?

What if it doesn’t hurt till tomorrow?

What if it feels worse than sex?

Because while I would like to believe my vulvodynia is mostly resolved, the secret is it still bothers me, holds me back, and plays games with my mental health.

I know that’s kind of too much information, but women’s bodies don’t need to be these complex mysteries, we have stories to share and medical discoveries that need to be uncovered. 

All of these thoughts rush through my head in the moments leading up to trying the Diva Cup, and every single time it adds to the stress within my body. Turns out having an overly stressed out pelvic floor is not an ideal situation for inserting a menstrual cup. #justsaying.

It failed the one time, and I haven’t brought myself up to trying it again.

You’re not alone.

I know I’m not the only terrified of inserting a menstrual product into her body. That’s why I’m writing this. I hope my people find me and know they aren’t alone. I know of the millions of women out there I’m not the only one sitting on the bathroom floor afraid of a soft silicone plastic cup.

Life after vulvodynia isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There are still struggles, and I admit it’s more often I want.

Don’t worry, we can still have healthy eco-friendly menstrual cycles without menstrual cups.

Instead, I turn to my beloved stash of cloth pads that I’ve been using on and off for a decade. I would love to find some menstrual pads that are made with responsibly sourced textiles and could be easy to launder (read hand washing?)

If you know fo something let me know.

I don’t have any tips or resources besides it’s okay to listen to your body and trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t force it.