I know normal toddler speech development is variable.
But that doesn’t keep me from feeling like the worlds worst mom.
I know some toddlers master speech, while other’s fumble with the basics.
I know this is normal.
But it doesn’t keep me from feeling like a shitty mom.
Please stop telling me it’ll be okay.
Every day I struggle with my 2.5-year-old not talking. It makes me feel inferior, incapable, and less than in my role as mom, parent, nurturer, child care provider. I know it’s “normal for a boy” but that doesn’t make it any less problematic in my life.
Ever day I bang my head against the door and silently (sometimes) scream “WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME?”
Charades isn’t my game. I’m the type of person finding a creative excuse to peace out when charades is pulled out. I’d rather leave a party early than stare down that introverted nightmare of a game.
Somehow, here I am face-to-face with a toddler trying to tell me something and the reality is I struggle with the lack of speech development even more.
I stare at a grunting, pointing, masquerading toddler child trying to tell me something and I can’t figure it out. Soon, the tantrums fly, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m terrible at being the calm in the chaos.
I just wish I could understand, and he could understand me.
I just wish he could tell me about his day.
I just wish he could help me make decisions.
I just wish he would say, mom.
Please stop telling me he’ll catch up.
He’s in speech therapy.
We go every 6-8 weeks as appointments become available (welcome to lack of access to services in Canada). He’s had two appointments. She says he’s doing fine and on track developmentally.
I enrolled him in Preschool earlier this year. Preschool has been amazing and helpful. They say he’s doing fine.
But, he still doesn’t say mom.
He can say, Mom.
I heard it once in September on our trip to Prince Rupert.
But never again.
I know. It’ll get there.
I’m not a shitty mom.
But fuck. I feel like a shitty mom.
Maybe I should play with my kids more, or talk to them more, or just be present.
How are you supposed to have one-sided conversations ALL DAY without going insane? My depression, anxiety, self-worth is already at an all-time low as I struggle to cope with motherhood, the last thing I need is to feel like a crazy person as I babble to a toddler who stares back blankly.
I’m sure its good for their development, but if you don’t get to talk to another adult for 24-36-48 hours, the one-sided-conversation gets old real fast. I’m just not that person. I’m not that mother who is comfortable being a mom and doing all the things the textbooks say I should do.
I just want to be called by who I am now. I just want to be recognized as a person of value by the person who loves me the most.
Or at least I think he loves me; sometimes in the communication struggle, I begin to wonder. Maybe he doesn’t say, mom, because he doesn’t love me. These are silly thoughts but real thoughts.
There are no words for the amount of sadness it brings me to not have a name. Some of you laugh at me because you pray for the day your child just shuts up, but I pray for the day he begins to talk and calls me mom.
When your child fails to reach developmental milestones at the perceived rate of other kids it makes you feel like shit.Maybe it’s social media, but I think it’s just life. We all want the next thing, and when the next thing takes forever (and a day), it’s draining.
I know it’s normal.
But I just want him to call me Mom.
I just want him to ask for a glass of Milk.
I just want him to tell me the Science Center or the Play Cafe.
I just want some direction in my life as the mom to a fiercely, independent toddler.
One day he’ll start talking and I’ll make a post missing these days of quiet, but right now, I yearn for it more than ever. I know I’m not a shitty mom, but fuck I feel like it. In the meanwhile, you’ll find me trying to talk more, but struggling with it every day. I’m trying to play more games and activities and chat out loud about the things we do. I’m trying to be less angry about the lack of communication skills. I’m trying to cry less about not having a name.