I struggle with FOMO, the Fear Of Missing Out.
This radiates through all of the areas of my life and feels most present during the holidays. I’ve struggled with FOMO for years and can relate to many tiffs, tears, and frustrations in my high school and college days. It continues to resonate today as I struggle with holidays and relationships.
As such, I find myself striving to be so inclusive that I lose my identity, my passion and my purpose in life. FOMO also keeps me in a never-ending spiral of doubt, anxiety and depression.
I have a hard time just being.
I have a hard time with silence, stillness, and lazy days.
I have a hard time with weekends, holidays, and other traditions.
Social media only makes it more difficult for me to navigate and find my centre.
Right now, I’m having a hard time.
The chaos of Christmas is in full swing, and watching trees get decorated, house lights turn on, and the bustle on the sidewalks strikes up that familiar sense of self-doubt and worry. Turning social media off, the conversations at parent groups, and activities at preschool, and changing of the season trigger the similar doubts and anxieties.
I just can’t shake it.
I know all the things I should know, but it’s not easy to push that all aside and just be you. People make it look easy, but my mind, heart and soul feel in constant battle with each new holiday and societal obligation. I want to be involved, but I also want to sing my own song separate from those expectations.
So, yes, I’m doubting myself and asking all the questions. I’m seeking approval where none is needed and I’ve got my fancy Christmas anxiety on.
I’m not looking forward to December.
Is it January yet?