You would think after years of battling anxiety and depression that I would prepared for the wave of seasonal depression that kicks in every December/January and lasts until early June. But I am no.
Years of therapy, failed anti depressants, and the office-happy light, don’t really make this time of year any easier.
Today is Blue Monday. A quick google search suggests some psychiatrists think it’s rubbish, but I don’t. Maybe it’s not one specific day, but this mid section of January is depressing. We’re broke, bored, frozen, and desperate to see the grass again. I believe there’s a good chunk of us yearning for more.
Seasonal depression is the mood disorder that never lets me down. I’ve been through my bought of postpartum and generalized anxiety, but these dark days of white winter, always get to me. Sometimes it makes whatever else going on worse, and sometimes it’s just that dull feeling of worthlessness sweeping over me for a few weeks.
This year is made worse thanks to my right bunionette surgery. I can’t go anywhere or do anything on my free accord. I can’t drive. I can’t go outside for a walk because of the slippery snow. The sun wakes up at 8am and sets before the work day is done. It’s dark, and I’m stuck on the couch most of the day. I miss my summer surgery. I would do as summer surgery all over again.
and a week of extreme weather doesn’t make it any easier. The kids have been hanging off their BrainRichKids play gym all week trying to get a glimpse of exercise and pushing faces up to cold windows to understand the deep cold.
It’s been rough month.
It’ll get better soon, but that doesn’t negate my feelings of sadness and doubt. It’s okay to cry a little. I like to think of January as the beginning of the end. This is where winter gets rough. It’ll be a few more weeks of the cold, but the days are getting longer and the grass will be back.
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