My nurse practitioner called it “situational anxiety” – the moments where I go from my classic daily anxiety to the next level. It happened when I moved away to college, when I got married, and during periods of schooling and work. It’s happening now as we are in the process of buying a house.
My day-to-day functioning previously was hard. I’ve been battling depression, bad thoughts, and general blues. I get anxious about leaving my children, and about planned activities.
Then, we put an offer in on a house and suddenly I can’t sleep at night, I’m twenty times more irritable (sorry Husband) and find myself in loops of unproductively. My heart feels like it never calms down. My mind is exhausted, and my body is aching. I’m holding things I shouldn’t and worry about things that are completely irrational.
I didn’t miss you.
I thought I was an anxious person last month, but this month it’s destructive.
I know that this will all be over once we buy the house and the paperwork goes in. In the past I’ve gone back to medication for these moments but by the time medication kicks in the situation will be over. And thinking about hte last five years, my experiences with medication have increasingly gotten worse so I’m not even interested in that boat anymore.