I was trying to update every Sunday, but here we are on a Tuesday. The interesting thing about quarantine and physical distancing is your day is consumed with so much more monotonous bull shit than ever before: scrolling tik tok, chatting with friends, going outside and inside again, rearranging the kitchen, wondering how to do something that you know how to do, and repeat.
Today, Dr. Henry answered a reporter question about how long this will be…. and while the next two weeks are very critical for us, this physical distancing could be our reality until May/June. That is scary AF. Like no playgrounds, no play dates, no coffee with friends for another 6-8 weeks…. oh and childcare for non-essential workers. Funnnnn
Basically feeling very overwhelmed. The burden is on me. My husband is an essential worker and at this time the railway is booming. He’s been busy working and everything is me. I set my life up with comfort to thrive – I found the things I needed to get out of depression and now it’s all back. I was a terrible stay at home mom and still lack any desire to do it again, but here I am. Doing it again.
I used to have a house cleaner to come and reduce the fighting between my husband and I about the division of chores.
I used to have childcare so that I could get my hair cut or a cup of coffeee… or work.
I used to order my groceries so that I could enjoy my kids… but now I don’t order groceries because I’ll leave that service for those in isolation.
There are so many amazing systems I had in place as an introverted extrovert and now that feels fruitless… here I am two days away from when I thought I’d fly to Missouri for my 10 year grad reunion wearing the same clothes for the third day in a row and wondering how did this all happen…
Let’s recap our week.
Sunday, March 22, 2020 – we played at Grandmas house.
Monday, March 23, 2020 – we jumped in the rain, had an Easter egg hunt with grandma, and made plans to return to Prince George on Tuesday.
Tuesday, March 24, 2020 – we drove back to Prince George stopping for A&W in Cache Creek, a bathroom in 100 Mile, gas in Williams Lake and made it home for dinner. The most stressful part was when the kids needed a bathroom break and refused to go on the side of the road. Using a public bathroom with tiny kids was an absolute nightmare. Trying to keep them from touching everything, washing their hand, and being diligent on not being kids in a public space. I will never use a public bathroom with tiny kids during a pandemic again. It’s worth noting that interior health put out a COVID19 community exposure at a Subway in Cache Creek the following few days. We don’t know what community exposure in small rural towns but apparently it’s high and it makes me feel selfish for traveling. It such a hard decision because living with my mom for 10 days was incredible for my mental health and children. But the risk… for everyone is not good
Gas is 92.9 per litre in Chilliwack.
Wednesday, March 25 – recovery day including taking stock of the food my husband bought to go shopping again. WE played outside, we played inside, we burned through all the craft supplies I bought the day before.
I went to the grocery store this day to pick up fresh supplies. The fruit was full but some sections were bare – I couldn’t get marshmallows. It was a weird surreal feeling. I left feeling very… stressed, anxious, like I wanted to throw up. The store is eerily quiet. There is no laughter or children screaming. The conversation is minimal. The seriousness is extreme. I never want to go back.
Thursday, March 26 – Eric took quarantine photos and I did tiki’s tok. We tried to make tim bits in the mini muffin tin but I dropped it everywhere. I immediately felt bad for wasting food…
Friday, March 27 – we did more baking including olibolen. I also started a sour dough starter – that seems to be the it thing to do right now (sour dough starter).
I haven’t had time to work on my paper this week… I sent one line to my prof and worried him. It’s just hard to focus with little kids and a pandemic looming, you know? It’s traumatic. It consumes my day worrying about supplies and things I can’t control. That’s what I’ve always done. This weekend would be one of my low points. I have hit a bit of situational depression and I don’t know what to do. In the past I have medicated but… the last time I medicated it was bad. I don’t know because the things that keep me out of depression are no longer accessible… sooooo what do you do then? Try to medicate again? But I don’t really like the voices, suicdal thoughts that came with the last round of medication trials.
Saturday, March 28 – today I watched a tiktok where a group of employees went to work today not knowing it was Saturday… that is the feels for real. The days all blend together. Today my friends kids all jumped on a Zoom call to chat. It was chaotic and crazy but it made them so happy. 9 4-year olds at 10 am.
Sunday, March 29 – I made bagels. Today also sucked. I have eaten so many carbs…..I wear stretch pants. I didn’t want to gain weight this year…. I Was hoping to get back to being active…. Walter wanted to talk to Felix so I found Felix’s mom in a local Facebook group.
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