Last week the province opened for Phase 2. Phase 2 means we can do more things at a safe physical distance. Most importantly we can expand our social circles. This has brought so much joy back into my life. I miss other people – other people help me think and check in with myself.
The biggest dilemma this month for me was when we were invited back to our childcare centre for June 1. This gave me a lot of anxiety and worry. I panicked for a few days and then I remembered that sometimes that sinking feeling means you need to say no and find another journey to do.
This was really hard for me. In April I was supposed to scale my business, finish my book (I did that in May) and just have time for career growth. I was able to have this dream because I found the kids a full time childcare spot at a prestigious childcare centre. But, then covid happened and some of my work went on the back burner.
It’s also hard to commit to $1000 per month per kid when you’re not sure how to scale and grow in a pandemic. Going from zero to full time takes time when your growing a business and skill set.
So, here I am being okay with turning down childcare and being okay with a summer with my kids. I have put them on the list at another childcare centre for part or full time starting in September. In hope this gives me time to continue to heal to be the confident business bad ass that I want to be.
We have returned to a semi want normal functioning. We drove and visited my parents in chilliwack. We have friends over for coffee outside on the deck. We continue to shop and garden.
I made masks this week, but haven’t used them. I haven’t been into a store recently. I even made them for the kids which gives me all the feels. Anna and I will wear them when we go to Costco this week.
Things are getting better – slowly, lots of healing and parenting left to do. But this is a journey and I’m mostly struggling with how my career is on the back burner. Sure, that’s one thing, but it’s about my long term trajectories, earning and power. I see people being amazing with kids but o have to check myself – there is intense privilege in those stories.